NUR ALYA ANIS

Silence Heartbreak (Prose Fiction)

            The time of the year has come where butterflies flies in the stomach and the anxiety strikes in my little body. Some may say it is the red carnations that blooms every month but truthfully that’s not the case. When this little body needs to wake up as early as 6 am just to look eye-catching on her first day. She tried and succeeded. As for the emotions, they were mixed with all sorts of emotions at once. “Can I do this? Will the teachers like me?” and all sorts of questions lingers in my head while driving to that humongous school named Sekolah Kebangsaan Putrajaya Presint 9 (2) or known as SKPP9 (2). As I was driving inside the school compound, one of my school-based experience (SBE) mates broke up our silence, “Let’s do this! Our last SBE before practicum next semester.” The adrenaline rushes inside my body yet I still have yet to warm-up my body completely for the day. With my heavy-hearted heart, we walked towards the office to greet the headmaster. Little that we know that we will experience once a life time experience.

           

            My head keeps on spinning as it did not make sense at all when few teachers approached us and said “Today is the headmaster’s retirement day” or “Have a sit and enjoy our biggest event for the time being”. It is my first time at this huge school with countless number of students and teachers. Whereby those students who looks like thousands of minions gathered with their eyes focuses at only one point which is “US”. The ‘new teachers are here’ kind of stares. It brings shivers and it was so scary. Luckily it only lasted for less than 5 minutes as the main focus for the day is their graceful headmaster. The lazy ass me who could not stand for a long time started to move around to find the perfect spot. “Aha! Let’s sit there at the corner of the line”, says me. Without further questions, we walked there and indeed it is the best spot ever. Less crowd, perfect angle and friendly teachers around were such a blessing. Even though I am an extrovert by heart but the introvert side of me shines brightly than usual.      

            “The more important you are, the late you will arrive to an event”, one of my lecturers once said this. I try to not be so sceptical by generalising things but once more I was proved that the statement is beyond accurate. After about one hour of waiting, a glanced of a beautiful lady wearing full ‘songket’ dress walked along the aisle. I was literally at awe as it looked like a wedding reception but the only odd thing was the venue of the event. Wedding at a school? No one could ever relate that especially me. The serenate of ‘ghazidah’ reminds me of home. Home that I longed for. Home where everything begins. Then I realised that as a teacher, this school is their home. Whereas soon I shall call them as my home as well. Tears falling non stop from the eyes of the beautiful lady that soon will stop her service as a teacher.

            “You will always be a teacher even when you have retired”, says every single human being. Instead of continue wondering and engulf myself with thoughts, I come up with a conclusion. Why does it break someone’s heart when they need to retire? As we know, school = home, pupils/students = children, other teachers = companion. So, leaving school felt like you walked away from your children and your companion at the same time. Walking away from the person who means the most to you is indeed the hardest things for me. Without I even realised, one droplet of tears rolls out from my dry eyes. The event that my mind could recall at the moment was the ten years old me walking out of the ward as I need to attend classes at school. That was the last time I ever visited that ward ever again. God bless your soul dear grandpa. I guess the headmaster felt the same feeling as I did. It is just the context of situations are different. These heartbreaks are called as silent heartbreaks as only that person knows that it is breaking and one day shatters into the ground.

            What do you want in your life? Recognition? Title? Pride? Wealth? All of them at once? Through this particular retirement event, my heart aches and I have come to a realisation that in every hi, there is a goodbye. It all starts with ‘Good morning, miss’ and will ends with ‘Thank You, miss’. That is the summary of how life as a teacher would be. My own journey would end just like how the journey of the headmaster that I just witnessed. In silence we start working, and in silence we end the journey.

Advertisement (Prose Non Fiction)

Farewell (Poem)

The lady in songket,

Gracefully smiling and waving,

On her last day,

Yes, her farewell day,

It's the end of her teaching journey.

Endless tears fell on her cheeks,

Letting them go is hard for her,

Blame it on the seldom memory of together,

Inadequate love and time,

Silence and sorrow surrounded her. 

Now, it's time to say goodbye,

Sad but happy she is,

Their faces soothe her heart,

They are her happy pills,

They - her beloved children.